A Plain World
by GirlWithAPearl6
Summary: This takes place while Jess is in New York after the car accident. For literary purposes, please pretend that Rory never went to visit Jess in New York. Read & Review Please! ONESHOT. Rating for language.


**A Plain World **

**Summary: This is a short oneshot that takes place while Jess is in New York after the car accident. For literary purposes, please pretend that Rory never visited Jess in New York. Also, the song is "A Plain Day" by Dashboard Confessional. This wasn't really meant to be a sonfic, but I thought the song fit nicely.**

**A/N: I was sitting, bored, and my computer staring a blank word document, and this is what came out. If you like it, please tell me so. If you don't like it, tell me why (in other words, if you read, review please!). Also, does anyone have any ideas you would like to see done? There seems to be a lull in the homework load they give us at school, and I'd like to take advantage of that!!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, just Gilmore Girls seasons 1-7 on DVD and two very strange cats. **

Jess looks out the window of his mother's dingy apartment and sighs. He has only been away from her for a few days, and it already feels like someone is ripping his heart out of his ass. He gets up from the small wooden chair and yawns, tucking his dog-eared copy of _Howl _into the back pocket of his baggy jeans and padding toward the small kitchenette.

His mother is nowhere to be found, (this is to be expected) which either means that she is sleeping off a hangover in her bed with some random guy (and he sure as hell isn't going to check), or she is out getting drunk and stoned off her ass in some narrow alleyway.

He opens the fridge, only to reveal that it is as empty as the one in the Gilmore household.

_Damn!_ He thinks. He can't even go five minutes without thinking about her, without picturing her beautiful blue eyes, or the way her forehead crinkles when she smiles.

He closes his eyes and puts a hand up to his temple, wishing he could get the adorable picture out of his head. He tries to tell himself that it doesn't mean anything, that he is just tired (_I am __not__ getting soft)._

**_It's yet to be determined, but the air is thick and my hope is feeling worn_**

**_I'm missing home, and I'm glad you're not a part of this, _**

**_There are parts of me that will be missed._**

He tries to get through the rest of the day, but he is only really going through the motions. On the verge of breakdown, he goes to the grocery store to replenish the fridge. As he is walking back he makes the mistake of stopping into a bookstore, where he instantly is crippled with pain because the whole place smells like her bedroom. He spots a paperback copy of _Oliver Twist_ and again the invisible hand is twisting his gut, and the heart-through-the-ass sensation returns.

Jess runs out of there, and decides he needs a cigarette. He has been trying to give them up, but given the circumstances he really can't help himself.

Everything he does reminded him of her. He can't seem to get away from her. On the subway he swears he can smell her shampoo, and when he closes his eyes he can see her face as clearly as if she were standing in front of him. When he thinks about her, he thinks about the horrible mess of things he made back in Stars Hollow, and how at this point, things don't look as though they'll ever be the same.

Several times he picks up the phone and punches in familiar digits, but when he hears a voice on the other end ("_Luke's Diner. Can I take your order? Hello? Jess, is that you?"), _he immediately sets the phone back in its cradle.

**_And the phone is always dead to me _**

**_so I cant tell you that the temperature is dropping and it feels _**

**_like it's colder than it ought to be in March; _**

**_and I still got a day or two ahead of me till I'm heading home, into your arms again._**

Later, as he brushes his teeth, he peers into the small mirror over the sink and repeats Luke's question. _Jess, is that you?_

He stands there for a minute longer and gazes warily at the man in the mirror, straining to recognize his own features. Wincing, he shuffles into his bedroom.

He undresses and throws his clothes on the floor in the hallway, hoping that it will annoy his mother. (_It would serve her right)._ He realizes with a heavy heart that his mother will probably be too drunk or stoned (or both) to notice the pile of clothing, let alone notice him.

He pulls the covers back and crawls into bed naked, feeling that he is already at the very bottom of the blackest hole and he has nothing left to conceal. As he drifts off, he is grateful (for once in his life) that his sleep is dreamless.

**_And people here are asking after you, it doesn't make it easier to be away._**

**_I'd like to hire a plane; I'd see you in the morning._**

**_When the day is fresh, I'm coming home again. _**

At about two am, he is awakened by the sound of the apartment door slamming shut. He sits up quickly and grabs the closest thing, a hardcover book. After all, this is New York, and you always need to be cautious. He creeps out of bed, quiet as a mouse to stand by his bedroom door, listening hard.

When he hears laughter and drunken voices (not one, but _two_), he knows it's okay (for now, at least) and collapses back onto his bed, cradling his pillow to his chest. He pretends it is Rory and buries his nose where her neck would be. He pretends that he cannot feel the tears that sting the backs of his eyelids.

Swiping his wrist angrily across his face (_stop being such a goddamn baby, Jess_), he makes up his mind. He just can't take it anymore. He realizes that he is afraid. It's not the first time, but he's a little shell-shocked. He's afraid that if he stays here one more night he will break, just like he broke Rory the night he left Stars Hollow.

It's an easy thing to do, breaking someone, whether it is physically or emotionally. It is also easy to mistake broken pride for a broken heart. Jess realizes that if he doesn't get out of this city and make things right, he would watch himself die little by little, until he ended up exactly like his mother. This leaves Jess with a new question. Is it possible to be the cause of your own sob story?

**_It's warmer where you're waiting; it feels more like July_**

**_There are pillows in their cases, and one of them is mine_**

**_And she wrote the words 'I Love You'_**

**_And sprayed it with perfume_**

**_It's better than the fire is to heat this lonely room._**

Jumping out of bed, he pulls on a pair of boxers and some jeans. He pauses but then throws a t-shirt on, well aware that it is about twenty degrees outside. Hopefully, the cold air will help to clear his head.

He tosses a few things into a backpack (a few books, a notebook, a pen, a sweatshirt, and a map), and walks stealthily toward the fire escape. He pauses before he opens the door. He knows that Liz, with all her faults, will still be worried if he goes missing, so he rips a piece of paper out of his notebook and kneels in front of his bed to write.

After a few tries (and a few crumpled pieces of paper), he gives up. After all, what do you say to a mother you hardly know? A mother who has abandoned you on many occasions and doesn't even really want you around? _Fuck this. _

He scribbles a quick note and leaves it on his pillow. It reads:

Liz,

I'm going back to Luke's. Don't call.

I love you,

Jess

**_It's warmer where you're waiting; it feels more like July_**

**_I'd like to hire a plane; I'd see you in the morning_**

_**When the day is fresh, I'm coming home again.** _

It is freezing, and he instantly regrets the t-shirt idea (_Damn you and your tough guy act). _The car is warm though, once he gets the heater started. As he pulls out onto the street he turns on the radio:

_"You can crush us_

_You can bruise us_

_But you'll have to answer to_

_Oh, Guns of Brixton"_

He immediately tenses, but instead decides to smile as he speeds off in the direction of Stars Hollow.


End file.
